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Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Adult Siblings!

Siblings!! People born of the same parents, a brother or sister. The dictionary makes it clear. They are in a class by themselves for good reason.  Most of us have at least one or more. I come from a large family. I have lots of sisters, we could of had our own baseball team with a few extras. My parents were blessed with only one son. The youngest after having given birth to  a dozen females. His birth was classified nearly a holiday.  When I reflect back on what they were like as  youngsters, I'm not sure if I liked them better then or now. Don't get me wrong, I love them all.  But, they can be a piece of work sometimes. Sibling rivalry is something I'm all to familiar with. After all, I got a lot of siblings to rival with. I remember saying too many times to my parents : "Why wasn't I an only child?" I was trying to recall if they had changed much from being children into adults. And if they were any easier to get along with, the choices they have made as adults and other things. I did a lot of reflecting on our relationships now,their present needs, the needs of those associated with them and on and on. Most of us now are over 50 and extraordinary with an exception of a few. My findings are they are no easier to get along with now then they were at age ten. These are still the same people with the same personalities.  Some easy , some not so easy. I also found that some of their needs had not even changed. That's something, because it means that those who needed a bottle then, still need a bottle now in a figure of speech. Some are still so needy. Some want to be bosses over us. They expect us to give them what they demand or ask. And that some of them have made some pretty bad choices in their life in my opinion. But given the circumstances they had, perhaps I would have made those same choices(I doubt it) but possibly.  I had to remind myself that these people are my siblings, not my children. I'm not responsible for them or their choices.  I don't have to please them. My job is to get along with them as best I can. To help them out in their hour of need. To love and support and encourage them. To look for the best in them and to be forgiving.  I found out that sometimes adult siblings lose sight of the position we play in each other's lives. Our job is to give advice if asked and not to take offense if it is not accepted. This has been hard for me to do. Our siblings are like our children, we want the best for them. It's hard to stand by and watch them make decisions contrary the ones we would make. But it's still not our job to intervene. These are adult lives, things have changed greatly since we were kids. I think the main thing our adult siblings want from us is respect. They don't want us to judge them. They may shy away from us. We individually have the right to run our lives in the way we choose, not someone else. They have come a long way and have  changed from being a kid sister or kid brother. When you become extraordinary, you see and understand these things a lot clearer. After much pondering takes place.  It's funny how life teaches you things in time. Sometimes it take's a lot of time. My wonderful Mother used to say" what I cant teach you life will". No truer statement ever expressed. We were blessed to have a teaching mom. She constantly taught and told us the things we should say and do. If I could walk just a half a mile in her shoes, I'll be a great lady. So my over 50 and extraordinary friends, if you have siblings, hope and pray for the best, don't judge them. Stay close because they are a blessing to have around. Some thing I had to remember is that you cant raise grown people. And since we are all imperfect, we cant sit on a judgement seat. By now sibling rivalry should be gone and we should be at peace with one another.  The best things in life are not things, but rather it's the people in life we know and love. The two things we owe our siblings is love and respect. If we do this, their will be no rivalry!!!